i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
