Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I didn't notice because vodka
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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