I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
