His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
