Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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