We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
