its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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