what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
