just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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