So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
