I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
