someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
