I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
