dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
too bad you live with your parents still
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
