just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im six kinds of drunk right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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