i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
