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If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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