WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?