I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
