Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
