i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
