Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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