Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
