She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
