i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
