Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
