k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
