2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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