have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
