he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
