Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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