It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
