Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
