where am i from again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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