you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
