If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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