i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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