Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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