Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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