Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
