Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
