Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
