I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I looked at my own cervix.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
