lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
