I wannas sexs uuuuu
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
