I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
