So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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