I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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