Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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