You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize