I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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