if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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