So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
