don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
