Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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