i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
