it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
