The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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