While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
