what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
