I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am midnight drunk by noon
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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