i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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