I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize