My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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