its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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