don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sober January is a disaster.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
