took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
