sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
