in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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