My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
