I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
