I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
