im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
