Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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