I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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