There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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