You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
