Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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